Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Im part way to drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
