went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is wine microwaveable?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize