he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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