You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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