I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
