Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
