He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
