question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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