I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
