Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
