I didn't shave. On purpose
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
