Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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