His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
