She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
