He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
