I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
