she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
