at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
