Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize