hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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