I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am spending my child support on dildos
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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