Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
