Buhtt sex?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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