He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
