Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
