so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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