Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
