I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize