# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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