I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
