Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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