i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
