the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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