Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
