separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
