He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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