so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
