People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
