dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am available for nakedness
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