you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
