Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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