Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize