maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
