Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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