Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
