Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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