I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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