Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
