You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
