Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize