that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
