just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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