what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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