I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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