I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
