i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
