Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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