We won't sleep together?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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