also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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