trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
