Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
