I think my vagina is haunted
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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