just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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