my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
