just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize