I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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