What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
