He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
