man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
