just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
