I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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