He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
