This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
