My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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