Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
