Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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