I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize