i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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