Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
