Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i think my cat just said my name.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
