apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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