new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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