this boner is exhausting
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
