Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
