no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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