its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
