He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
