2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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