okay pat passed out under dana's car
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
