She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
