im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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