Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
