I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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