Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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