He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i would punch a child for taco bell
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
