Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
