Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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