I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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