I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
