But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need to align my fucking chakras
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
