They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
