I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
