so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
