My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
