I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
