the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Randomize
