Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
