He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
