Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
