we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
