I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize