Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
