dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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