My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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