and she was petting her beer can
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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